I wept thrice on 23/12/2012

First, when I had seen one boy lying with amputated leg in the center of a crossing bridge (I remembered the scene of “Slumdog Millionaire” when children were deliberately made blind and deprived of their hands and leg so that they could look more vulnerable for begging) and yes he was begging. It was the look, the way he had seen me as if he was crying for help and he was suffering, I couldn’t help him. I wanted to cry perhaps there were few drops in my eyes. I was angry with people who force these children for begging. I was angry with people who were passing that child with apathy as if they are used to of this kind of scene. I was angry with poverty and hunger. I was angry with myself who is waiting to be grown up when he will be able to help these children.

Second, when I saw this picture (Taken today during the protest against the gang rape at India Gate): 

I cried because I was not hopeful that even this barbarism can inspire people to stand up for these protesters. I cried on my helplessness on how we will again forget all these atrocities, how we will be again fooled by media and government, how we will again fear if someone will try to change the system, how we will again question the credibility and honesty of the person who will try to stand up for others and how we will again vote for same government or same type of people on the basis of caste and religion without worrying about their characters and intentions.

And last, when I heard the news of Sachin’s retirement, suddenly it seemed that everyone is getting old including me. May be It was fear of future of what i would do when i would have to call a day. From the day I remember myself Sachin was part of my memory. I don’t know how much he inspired me but somehow I can relate him with each and every memory of mine. And now he and all my memories will be referred as a past era.

 

The confusions and inner conflicts

Here i am struggling to vent out my feelings. May be unnecessarily i am tensed as always. May be i need to call someone who could listen to me. Sometime being too much helpful could spell trouble for you. I need to set my priorities right. I need to think why i am being tensed and why i feel i am being used. I know that time tests you .But i think that i should put a limit on my sacrifices. I know that people need me but at the same time i need myself, i need things to do for myself. I wonder why people don't understand and why they take me for granted. But anyway leave this rest i would write in my brand new diary(:))

Death is the final answer for evry hatred

In my neighborhood There is one dairy called Sri Ram Dairy.I used to take one Amol milk packet from them. I used to find to one old guy sitting in the dairy. He was annoying because he would ask for change without change he would refuse to give anything and he never talked nicely as other shopkeepers do for me he was lethargic. I had encountered situation when i had to take Amol from the other shops.So taking lesson from those incident I decided i would not take anything from that shop.Yesterday I had gone to buy ,as usual i ignored that shop, he was sitting there (I knew that old person also hated me because last time i had change in my pocket still i returned from his shop showing my visible annoyance and took the milk packet from other shop beside his shop). Today my cook told that old person has died due to heart attack, remorsefully I felt sympathy and thought why we need to hate any person when we don't know when we will be gone from this world. I hope that i won't hate anybody anymore.

After Watching Forest Gump

Hi me,

I was just watching "Forest Gump" AGAIN. I am feeling so good ,I decided to write down my feelings. I am jotting down because i want to capture these beautiful moments.
Forest Gump, (" Stupid is as stupid does") stupid by the standards of Normal people, doesn't know how to find ways for doing anything .He does what he is told and keeps doing that.
He becomes a sign of hope ,HE DOES NOT KNOW THAT.
In one scene he was running for two years and reporters were guessing why he is running . He was saying that i was running for no particular reason.Wait i can draw some similarity....... If i think that when i enjoyed most, i feel that when i had no particular reason for doing that work( you can say irrational).

I always hated when people do crazy things(when my mind couldn't find any reason for that thing), now i feel that i have desire to do the same. By applying logics i trained my mind so much that i can give so many reasons for not doing particular thing and find what is the alternative for that. Now i feel that boy you should just do it. I wasted so much time thinking what to do and what not to do, Instead i had completed all the things . Next time i will just do it.

Love (I don't know whether my feelings will come under love, i am just giving a name) happens for no particular reason,I just feel uneasy as my mind always tells me so many reasons and consequences why i should not fall for that feeling.
I want to get away with this uneasy feeling.It doesn't let me do my logical jobs.Maybe i want to do it.

Regards,
Me

Random thoughts

After the great responses about my last post which i had to remove as i was on the wrong side of story (contrast to my image).Again i am going to put some random thoughts together, let us see how things will turn out .

ok,this is the time when i am suppose to complete one program which i am trying to start from past two days.,but i am lazy enough to start thinking abt program .After wasting 2-3 days i thought of writing something.

This time i am thinking wat i should write: serious or comic or mixture.But first i should decide about topic :controversial or simple.
No,I should try hand on some other genre ,Story............yes ,well about whom no.........i can't think a topic . ok i got a topic . My one friend who has won many accolades in literature says that good story is nothing but good observation what is happening around you.So i will be putting my observation only.
a) Warning (serious one ): When you see children playing ,they seems to be very happy.One reason i can think of is that their emotions are pure .If they love ,they just love ,they don't put reasons behind their love. If they hate ,they just hate and there is no emotion in between.
They are simple. It is because of selfishness of a child .They seek whole ,no division .When their mother takes some other child in her lap ,they will cry because they don't want to share their mother's love with anyone. This selfishness helps children to decide exactly what they want.now i wants to be happy maybe i should practice this form of selfishness.

b) I remember when my mother used to give us any fruit(equally devided),then there was always comptition who is going to finish last because he will be the one who can enjoy a lot because he can make us jealous (feeling of triumph).Now i just want to eat as quickly as possible.

c) Today when i get a lot of money to spend on myself,I think of second standard when i had stolen 50 paisa to have a ice cream.My father caught and gave me one ruppee.Having icecream of one ruppee ,I was the happiest child of universe. Today when i get icecream worth of 300.i feel nothing .

d)what can you get from a broken relationship :
1)Some good moments
2)Maturity
3)A new way to see the things
4)New goals or opportunities (or you can be back on ur track)
5) A chance to learn value of money ,time and your friends

e)I remember in 11th class when in coaching a girl asked me about whether there is lecture or not .I fumbled and she just smiled back . I remember how happy i was when she asked from my math teacher who got highest marks,then he told my name and she looked at me and smiled.
I remember myself seeing towards her window with a hope of seeing one glimpse of her. I remember how proud i was feeling when my friends were telling me "tere per marti hai yaar",then their conclusion that how smart i am.I remember seeing towards her, hoping she will also look at me.I remember that my friend is saying " go and propose her" and then my decision that i will propose her when i will get selection in JEE. I remember last day of my coaching class how sad she was.
now lastly I remember myself searching her in orkut..........................

f) Waking up in morning ,then going into balcony and seeing that monkeys are jumping and chasing each other.Wishing to capture each and every moment of their play and suddenly realising i have to do some important work. then again a new wish"sitting alone in beach and thinking nothing".

g)What do i want from my life ?